Stephen's Written Word
Like The Greatest President Ever, Professor Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A., has no need to read books for "facts," as he derives all necessary truthiness from his own gut. Nonetheless, out of the goodness of his own heart Dr. Colbert has taken it upon himself to reach out to his fellow Americans of all stripes, including the godless liberals and communist acamedians who go in for book-learning. As a result, Our Glorious Stephen has produced a number of top-notch authoritarial contributions in all the important writerly genres, from journalism to fiction to self-help to some other genres. The following list does not claim to exhaust 's gifts to the field of literature, but does hope to give you some impression of his enormous importance as a contemporary writer. We are sure that this importance will continue to grow, and equally sure that the fine people at the various writing award granting institutions are not far behind those of us here at Wikiality.com in recognizing this truth. Are there balls in your court, ''Pulitzer??'' Let's find out. Journalism *''Wigfield: The Can-Do Town That Just May Not'' (Hyperion, 2003). Co-written with Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello. *''America: The Book'' (Warner Books, 2004). Officially "by John Stewart," with "additional contributions" by Stephen Colbert. Which means, in all likelihood, that Stephen wrote most of the funny parts. *''I Am America (And So Can You!)'' (Warner Books, 2007). *Parts of the Bible (God, reprint Gutenberg, Time Immemorial). Controversy continues to swirl around the raising of questions relating to allegations about Stephen's writerness and this, the most holiest of bookests. Punditry *''Top 50 States That Are Destroying America'' :On the April 25th, 2006 episode, Dr. Colbert introduced this book during The Threat Down as part of the #4 threat of Illinois. So far, not too much is known about this book except that Illinois is tied with Delaware for #32 on the list. *''Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls'' *''How Native Americans Have Maybe Been Screwed by This Country'' *''Colbert Lib'' *''Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls - For Kids'' Scholarly Works *''The Positive Effect of Stephen Colbert's Voice on Ficuses'' :While so-called "scientist" Dr. Peter Singer has suggested that this work won't be considered "legitimite" until it has been "published" in a "peer-reviewed" "scientific" "journal," Dr. Colbert knows that his ground-breaking work on ficuses has already been published in the one place where it matters most: his gut. *''Silent Night: Reassessing the Sociological Imprint of the Tiananmen Square Massacre'' *''Yet Another Pointless JFK Biography'' Self-Help *''The Colbert Report: Emergency Evacuation Manual'' :Introduced in the segment where Tad, the building manager demonstrated emergency evacuation procedures for The Eagle's Nest studio. *''He's Just Not That Fanatical About You'' :Stephen offered this book in his ongoing attempt to foil the work of terrorists, this time by helping terrorist-loving women figure out whether the dictators they love are truly fanatical about them or perhaps just mildly obsessed. *''Humping The Kama Sutra'' :This work is still in the "proposal" stage, as Dr. Colbert's anticipated co-author, Bruce Feiler, has yet to make a firm commitment. Featured Works of Fiction and Other Ways Stephen Stays "Hip and In-Tune" with The Kids *''Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure'' :Several times on The Colbert Report, Stephen has read passages from this book, which is rife with violence, action, and sex. On the March 15, 2006 edition of The Daily Show, he offered the position of Lady Nocturne in a film adaptation of the book to Natalie Portman. :To date, publishers have inexplicably avoided riding Stephen's coattails, forcing The Good Doctor to begin self-producing the animated adventures based on his obviously wonderful, but as yet unpublished, Pulitzer worthy novel. *Stephen has also mentioned the possibility of a mystery novel follow-up to his highly successful unpublished first novel. The equally or even more successful follow-up will be called Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Codeventure. Poetry In addition to the many, multiple, sundry, divers, various, manifold, myriad contributions Stephen has made to the field of American letters, he is also an accomplished poet. Amongst his better known pieces are works like "Pulitzer": :Pulitzer :Each night after I televise :The soul of America cries: :"This man named Colbert, :He is firm but yet fair, :Give him the Pulitzer Prize." :by Stephen Colbert Awards Stephen's Written Word Has, Should Have, or Will Win * Pulitzer Prize **please note: Stephen has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. This is entirely the fault of the Pulitzer Prize selection committee, who seem to have been asleep on the job again in 2007. * Stephen T. Colbert Award For The Literary Excellence * National Book Award See Also * Stephen's Book Club